Whether you’re opting for a low-key affair or a lavish celebration, a wedding is going to be costly – but who pays for the wedding? 

WHAT TRADITION SAYS

1. The venue

When it comes to the venue – both the ceremony and the reception – the bride’s family is responsible for the cost. And this doesn’t just mean the venue hire. Budget for all decorations, food, musical accompaniments at the ceremony and the officiant’s fee.

2. The reception

If you’re the bride, your parents are probably breaking out in a sweat just thinking about the bill that’s coming their way. But the financial responsibility doesn’t rest solely on their shoulders. The groom’s side normally pays for the DJ and the booze – two important and often pricey aspects of any wedding.

3. The attire

Perhaps the most important detail for any bride, the dress also doesn’t come cheap. Butter up Mom and Dad, because they’ll be paying (you hope). But what about dresses for your bridesmaids? Buying their attire is not expected, but it’s a nice gesture. The groom covers the cost of his suit and can choose whether to pay for his groomsmen’s get-up or not. If you’re asking them to buy their own, make sure it’s not expensive!

4. The small details

It may seem as though most of the big expenses are for the bride’s parents to cover. However, there are a few smaller but no less important details for the groom’s account too. The most obvious are the bridal bouquets, corsages for the mother-of-the-bride and boutonnières for the groomsmen.

5. The rings

It only makes sense that the groom pays for his bride’s wedding band and she does the same for him. If you’re on a tight budget, look at more affordable metals or simply forgo wedding bands altogether.

6. The honeymoon

It’s something newlyweds really look forward to, whether it’s an island getaway or a local adventure – and it’s for the groom to plan and pay for! Some couples ask guests to make a contribution to a honeymoon fund rather than buy gifts.

WHAT WE SAY

If you choose to buck tradition, split the budget according to who can afford what. Here are some ideas:

1. Chip in as a couple

If you have money saved, what better way to spend it than on your wedding? Most of the guests attending will be your friends, so consider covering the music and bar tab, which you know they’ll get the most enjoyment from.

2. Draw up a budget

Sit down with all parties involved to discuss splitting the costs equally – it may just be a win-win for everyone.

3. Pay for your own wedding dress

Especially if your parents are paying for most of the wedding. You can find ways to cut costs in this department, from buying off the rack or on sale to asking friends or family who are talented seamstresses to help design your gown.

4. Ask the groom’s family to cover the venue hire

With the cost of decorations, food and staff, the reception can be a financial sting for the bride’s parents.

We’ve all heard of or experienced getting cold feet before big, life-changing events, and it’s a relatively common occurrence when it comes to a few days before your wedding. You may feel that in your heart you are destined to be with your significant other, but still have those fears of taking the step towards marriage.

And it’s completely normal!

Pre-wedding stress after months of planning and organising is no cause for concern. You’re worried about things going wrong on the day, how you’ll look and also taking the steps to legally wed your partner – it can all be a bit overwhelming.

If you’re experiencing cold feet, here are a few tips to help you ease the stress.

1. GIRL TIME

Spend the night with your bridesmaids or some close girlfriends watching movies and pampering each other to take your mind off of any pre-wedding jitters.

2. RELAX

Enjoy a relaxing massage scheduled at your favourite spa for later in the evening the day before your wedding to help you unwind and sleep more easily.

3. MEMORIES

Look back at some old photographs of you and your partner to remember all the incredible times you have spent together, and all the amazing memories you have yet to make.

4. COMMUNICATE

You may not be spending the night with your future husband or wife, but if you really feel you need to, give them a call or message them to let them know how you’re feeling. They are probably feeling the same and you can talk it through with each other.

5. MEDITATE

If it works for you, put on some ocean songs or rainfall sounds and sit or lie down in a comfortable position while practising breathing exercises to clear your mind.

Image: Unsplashed

Whether you’re someone who likes to plan things down to the last detail or you just like to let things flow naturally, you should definitely try to write your own wedding vows. It will be so worth it!

We all wish it could be like the movies, where the bride or groom throws away the paper with all the notes they made and speak beautifully from their hearts, but it’s not that easy when it comes down to standing at the altar with all your family and friends watching.

So why not try a few of these tips in preparation for the big day and let your dream partner know exactly how you feel.

1. Jot down words describing how your significant other makes you feel.
2. Write down your favourite memory with your S/O, and tie it into how you knew you wanted to be together forever.
3. Think about all the qualities your partner has that you absolutely love, and write those down too.
4. Write down any promises you want to make to your S/O throughout the rest of your lives, but try to avoid cliches and keep things realistic.
5. Once you’ve gathered enough notes on your partner and your relationship, you can write your vows in a set format, or try to style it so that you are telling a story.
6. If you and your S/O are planning your vows together, try to set a tone and structure, but don’t worry about being formal. You want your feelings for each other to sound natural and not rehearsed.
7. While you may have endless amounts to say to your partner, you should try to keep it short and highlight the most important things you want to say to them.
8. Your vows are basically a public declaration of your love and promises to your S/O, so if you are struggling to find a way to structure your vows you can look for inspiration online, or even from movies (as long as it’s not too cheesy, unless you like that kinda thing).
9. Once you think you have written your vows the way you wish to say them (this can take you a number of tries), make a clean copy and practice them out loud.
10. If you want advice, and you aren’t worried about your partner knowing what you’ll say, you can even practice your vows with your partner to see if it works.

Image: @vsdartistry // Instagram

Picture this. It’s your big day in a few months time and you feel completely torn between whether you want to stick to tradition or scrap it all and reinvent a whole new wedding style. Not to worry, we’re breaking down the standard options to provide alternatives to wedding traditions to leave behind and give a variety of options and creative ways to celebrate with your loved ones.

THE WHITE DRESS

While regarded as a symbol of purity, the traditional white wedding dress only became popular after Queen Victoria opposed the norm by wearing a white lace and satin gown for her wedding with Prince Albert in 1840. It is still a popular option for many brides today, but definitely has room for change. If you want to be daring and different, opt for colours like red, black or gold. Pastels of blue, pink, cream and grey have also become stunning options that break tradition.

Image: @gracephilipsbridal

THE BOUQUET

Some believe that bridal bouquets were used to mask the stench of the brides, who only showered once or twice a year before running water was a norm. But brides would also carry herbs and spices to protect themselves from evil spirits. While it may seem odd to walk down the aisle empty-handed, there are plenty alternatives to holding a bunch of flowers. Make a glamorous entrance carrying a matching clutch purse, or be unique with themed balloons or coloured ribbon. Having an outdoor wedding? Carry a stunning custom umbrella to match your dress.

Image: @philipjamesphotography

GIVEN AWAY

A standard norm for weddings is for the bride to be walked down the aisle by her father to be ‘given away’ to her future husband. In older times, this was a symbol of transferring ownership of the bride from her current family to her new family. While still a common practice, modern times have seen brides walk down the aisle alone, with both parents, or a close loved one.

Image: @event.life.entertainment

BRIDESMAIDS

Way back in the day, bridesmaids would dress similarly to the bride to confuse evil spirits and anyone trying to harm the bride. Nowadays, they are a group of women hand-picked by the bride-to-be to offer support and perform certain bridal duties. Even if you aren’t too keen on this tradition, it’s a great idea to have a group of close friends by your side to offer support assistance in planning your big day, and their outfits can be unique too!

Image: @ranch_505

BOUQUET & GARTER TOSS

This interesting tradition began (supposedly) as a way to distract the wedding guests while the happy couple engaged in the consummation of their marriage. Strange, right? Nowadays the throwing of the bouquet and garter are meant to bring luck and love to whoever catches them. While this can be a fun treat, it can also be slightly embarrassing for all the singletons taking part. Wedding games that include everyone are fun and creative. Have the bride and groom participate in a ‘How Much Do You Know About Your S/O’ for some light-hearted entertainment during the evening.

Image: @sofiakatherinephotography

Traditions are always changing, as do their meanings in our lives. Whether you choose to follow tradition or not, it shouldn’t be an issue for your big day. Whatever a practice means to you, it should only be a part of your day because you want it to be. Don’t feel pressured to follow the norms if you don’t agree with them or value them in your own life. Your wedding day is all about you and the celebration of love!

Header image: @lovemydress
Photography: instagram.com

Love may not cost a thing – but a wedding usually does! Take the financial sting out of your big day with our 5 clever ways to cut costs.

By Jessica Baxter

1. GO OFF PEAK

Venues and service providers are usually more expensive in peak wedding season, so consider an off-peak wedding to cut costs. Alternatively, if you’ve always dreamt of a summer soirée, make it a mid-week affair, which may bring down the price substantially.

2. FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Catering can eat into your budget. Do your research on the cost of a buffet versus a plated meal. Another way to trim the fat is to limit the choices on the menu.

3. SCALE DOWN THE PHOTO SHOOT

Photographers tend to charge by the hour, so ask a friend or bridesmaid to take photos of you getting ready and hire the professional for the main event only.

4. THE DRESS 

If you’ve had your eye on a designer gown that costs more than your car, consider hiring a dress or buying one on sale. You can also cast your net wider and browse regular stores for evening dresses.

5. BUDGET BLOOMS

Do you have a friend or neighbour with a beautiful garden? Ask them what’s in season when you get married and you may be able to forage flowers and foliage from their garden to use in your table arrangements. If you’re using a florist, specify seasonal flowers to keep the price down.

FIVE EXTRA WAYS TO STRETCH YOUR RANDS EVEN FURTHER

1. Keep the numbers small. Invite only close family and friends – the ones you know will be celebrating your 10-year wedding anniversary with you.
2. Choose e-vites instead of regular invitations – no postage, no printing costs.
3. Cut the entourage. Instead of having a bevvy of bridesmaids, choose one or two and ask other close friends to be involved by doing a reading or handing out the order of service.
4. Limit the bar. Offer only beer, cider and wine instead of a full bar service.
5. Choose a DJ instead of a band and ask them to play at both the ceremony and reception to get the most bang for your buck. 

If you’re not one for lavish affairs, the thought of escaping to a far-off land to secretly tie the knot with your Prince Charming, sounds like an utterly surreal and thrilling adventure. However, eloping isn’t just about running off into the sunset without a care in the world. There are a few factors to consider and we’ve sussed out all of them to help you decide if this is really the route you and your man want to take.

1 The legal schtick

As a South African couple looking to get married abroad, you need to find out whether your country of choice allows South Africans, if any foreigners at all, to wed on their turf. In certain cases, you may need to have physical tests (such as a blood test) done or fill in specialised forms. The embassy of the country you want to get hitched in will be able to tell you the exact requirements for your nuptials.

Regardless of where you take the plunge, a certain matrimonial property regime will govern your marriage. Read more about South Africa’s regimes here. The country’s common law stipulates that the regime in the husband’s country of permanent residence, also called a domicile, at the time of marriage, will apply. The default regime in South Africa is ‘in community of property’. So, if your groom permanently lives in Port Elizabeth, you’ll be married in community of property. If you prefer to be married out of community of property, you need to sign an antenuptial contract in South Africa before you jet off.

To register your marriage when you get back home, you won’t have to pay a fee. Nevertheless, you’ll need to write a letter to the Department of Home Affairs containing your contact details, including your address, mobile numbers and email addresses. The Department also requires a certified copy of your passport, ID or birth certificate and a copy of your foreign marriage certificate. If the certificate is not in English, it must be submitted with an English translation by a sworn translator.

2 Money matters

A major plus of eloping is that you spare yourself a substantial amount of dough. Without a group of guests attending, you’ll place drastically less strain on your bank account because of the reduced cost of your venue, catering and transport, amongst other items.

Even so, that doesn’t mean there are no expenses involved. No matter where you decide to tie the knot, you will require a roof over your head. There are plenty of wedding venues that offer elopement packages that include lodging, a space to hold your ceremony and a tasteful meal at one of their eateries. If you’re lucky, they may even throw in a wedding cake and bottle of bubbly!

To bask in that wedding day feeling, treat yourself to a gorgeous gown, even if it’s not the usual wedding fare, and have your hair and makeup done. Your man deserves to be decked out in a dashing suit too, and you can even indulge in some pre-wedding couples’ pampering at a spa.

Regardless of who’ll be – or not be – at your ceremony, you’ll want the day to be etched in your memory forever, so don’t forget to hire a photographer. Chat to them about possibly reducing their rates as there’ll be less activity to document.

If you really want to pull out all the stops to make your wedding as opulent as possible – minus the guest list drama, of course – consider a ‘luxury elopement’. This typically entails having exquisite decor, an elaborate wedding dress and a videographer, in addition to anything else that may be on your dream wedding wishlist.

3 Elopement etiquette

Some of your family and friends may suffer bruised egos when they discover that your nuptials didn’t include them. It’s best to let them know about your plans to elope before or immediately after your marriage has been made official. When it comes to announcing your nuptials to the rest of the world (i.e. your friends, colleagues and everyone on Facebook), first make a list of the people you’re most close to then give them a call to share the good news before updating your ‘Relationship Status’ on social media. If your extended family and friends would still like to celebrate with you, why not invite them over for a small celebratory gathering?

Keep in mind that since you’ll be eloping, it would be unfair to ask family and friends to purchase a gift. Also, consider your relationship with certain family members and friends who may want to be witness to your big day, and the cultural or religious traditions that they may want you to honour.

Photography freestocks.org, Zivile & Arunas /Unsplash, Pixabay