Advice Archives | Page 12 of 13

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Who pays for the bachelorette party?

July 31, 2019 No Comments

It is a great honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid as it means the bride values you so much they want to include you in their celebrations. This role does, however, entail more than standing up for them on their special day.

Along with paying for a bridesmaid’s dress (hopefully the bride won’t ask you to get something too specific so that you can wear it again on another occasion) and your hair and make-up – you will also be responsible for planning the bachelorette party and in most cases paying for it too.

Bachelorette parties are tons of fun, but can also cost a bundle. It is important to make it memorable as this may be the last time the bride gets to spend time with her friends as a singleton.

It is customary for the bridal party and others attending the bachelorette party to cover the costs of the event for themselves and the bride. Whoever is planning the event should figure out the total cost of it, including the bride’s portion, and then divide it between the attendees. The reason for the bride not paying is because she is the guest of honour.

That being said, this is the general rule for local bachelorette parties.

Another big trend is destination bachelorette parties and that comes with a new set of rules. For a destination party, each person is expected to cover their own travel and accommodation costs, including the brides’ costs. If the bride wants a destination bachelorette party, she needs to understand that the cost is exponentially larger and it is unreasonable to ask guests to cover their own costs, as well as hers. Once at the destination, any events planned will be covered by guests.

Despite the fact that the bachelorette party is a special celebration, it is not worth going broke over, especially if you still need to organise yourself for the wedding. When planning the event be mindful of the costs and try to plan something that everyone can afford.

Picture: Pixabay

In Advice

Engagement party venue: Gorgeous George

July 30, 2019 No Comments

Now that you’re engaged, you’ll want to have an engagement party to celebrate with your family and friends.

Where to have it?

Gorgeous George is a new boutique hotel situated in the central Cape Town featuring a stunning rooftop and Gigi restaurant and bar. It is the perfect venue as it has everything you need: beautiful views, delicious food, curated drinks and seating for up to 80 guests. But don’t take our word for it – have a look for yourself:

Restaurant and Bar

Lounge Area

Dining Area

Bar Area

Rooftop

Lounge Area

Dining Area

Pool Area

All in all, Gorgeous George is a stunning venue that will cater to your every need.

If you would like to hire the venue, contact Gorgeous George at: +27 87 898 6000

Images supplied by Gorgeous George

In Advice

How do you know when you are ready for marriage?

July 30, 2019 No Comments

Deciding who to spend forever with is a life-changing decision. We spoke to Cape Town-based life coach, Helen Searra, on how to determine whether you are ready for marriage or not.

“There are a number of signs that indicate when we are ready for marriage, starting with our circle of close friends. For instance, when our friends take their romantic relationship to a more serious and committed level, like getting engaged. This thought of following suit may become more apparent, where it may have only been a subconscious idea beforehand,” said Searra.

She continued, “when we can’t imagine our lives without our partner, we identify them as our soulmate and are drawn to creating our own sanctuary to share with them. This is a sign.”

“When speaking to each other about long-term plans and believing that one can be in a relationship with one’s partner forever. Knowing that one wants to be married rather than just the idea of having a wedding day. These are all tell-tale signs,” explained Searra.

“When we have ticked off the things on our bucket list of a single life and are confident the rest of our bucket list would include our partner or bring no harm to the relationship.”

“When our family and friends love our partner and we have discussed our different family types, belief systems and cultural differences and begin designing our own set of rules, as two separate individuals being on the same page. When we reach a certain emotional and spiritual maturity, both having a voice, and are able to find our way back to each other after a disagreement. These are all indicators that one is ready for marriage,” concluded Searra.

Helen Searra is a Cape Town-based life coach. She has been practicing for 10 years in her field. She offers individual counselling sessions and couples counselling both in person or remotely over Skype. She offers package deals of either 4, 6 or 8 sessions. To enquire for a rates card, contact Helen at [email protected].

Image: Unsplash

In Advice

Not all grooms want to plan a wedding…

July 22, 2019 No Comments

When you find the person who you want to spend forever with, you are aware of the different personality traits you each possess.

We spoke to Helen Searra, a qualified life coach about wedding planning and here is what she had to say about grooms who have no interest in wedding-planning.

“While planning a wedding may be of interest to you, he may not share the same feeling. This does not mean he isn’t interested in the wedding.

“Having different interests and hobbies make a relationship interesting. You can learn from one another. Find out if something you’re interested in might be something he’s interested in but has never had the opportunity to explore, and vice versa.

F”ocus on each others strengths. Some people have no idea or desire to party plan. Don’t take this personally!

Find a group of friends or family who love party planning.

“Share the fun of planning with people who are interested, that is the best way to generate fabulous, creative ideas.

“Have fun putting the event together and sharing the progress with your partner rather than setting him up to fail.

“The couples attitude and behaviour during the wedding planning can set up a repetitive dance in the marriage going forward, should they come from overly invested expectations of each other.” concluded Searra.

Image: Unsplash

Helen Searra is a Cape Town-based life coach. She has been practicing for 10 years in her field. She offers individual counseling sessions and couples counseling both in person or remotely over Skype. She offers package deals of either 4, 6 or 8 sessions. To enquire for a rates card, contact Helen on [email protected].

In Advice

Kitchen tea or bridal shower – what’s the difference?

July 17, 2019 No Comments

Along with the excitement of a wedding comes all the events and parties that lead up to the big day. One of the most popular pre-wedding celebrations is the bridal shower. Or is it the kitchen tea? They are similar, but there are a few differences.

Kitchen teas are more common in Australia, South Africa and New Zealand, whereas the US, UK, Belgium, Netherlands and a few other countries in Europe tend to host bridal showers.

The kitchen tea is a time to celebrate the bride-to-be, and guests bring items that can be added to the newlyweds’ kitchen as gifts. It is typically hosted at the bride’s or her mother’s house. Female friends and family are invited – kitchen teas are typically attended only by the women in the bride’s life. It is usually quite a relaxed environment and can involve fun games.

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The bridal shower is a party hosted for the bachelorette. Her guests ‘shower’ her with gifts of any kind, that can be for her personal use or for her and her future spouse’s home. Brides-to-be may create a gift registry for their guests to help with ideas. The bridal shower provides the perfect opportunity for both sides of the family to mingle!

There’s no need to keep things too traditional, though. You can mix it up a bit by having a theme. You can even customise the party according to what the bachelorette likes. For example, a bride-to-be who enjoys the outdoors might appreciate a hike or scenic route, or a bachelorette with a creative streak may love a cake-decorating party.

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Remember to save all the ‘naughty’ things for the bachelorette party, though!

Picture: Pexels

In Advice

Setting a wedding budget and actually sticking to it

July 16, 2019 No Comments

Whether you are paying for the wedding yourselves or your parents are contributing, you will need to calculate how much money you have to spend. Once you have this figure, immediately set aside 5-10% of that for contingency.

Establishing and sticking to your budget is the best gift you can give yourself as a couple. In order to do this, you have to ensure that all your planning is documented. But before you start crunching numbers, think about the overall feeling you want your wedding to have as this will affect how you spend within your budget.

Do your research on vendors and get estimates on how much each thing will cost. This will include everything from venue to flowers to the dress and so on. Then get quotes from vendors and write it all down next to estimated costs.

Now that you know what kind of wedding you would like to have and how much money you have to spend, put together a rough guest list. The number of guests determines your venue, food and alcohol.

These are generally the largest expenses and a wise rule to follow is to allocate 40% of your budget to these three things.

It is time to discuss your non-negotiables with your partner (try to keep it down to three). These are things that you have always dreamed of having at your wedding and are willing to spend the money needed in order to achieve them. Research vendors and get quotes so that you can allocate it to the budget and then see how much is left to spend on the rest of the wedding. If you are already over budget based on your list, or close to the end of your budget, have a look at your priorities again and see what you can reduce.

Now that you’ve got all your quotes and guest list numbers, you can create the spreadsheet. You can get a template online or create your own but try to keep it as simple as possible. Put your overall sum in the top corner somewhere and then create these tabs: estimated, modified and actual.

Your estimated tab will be amounts that you have found based on research.

Modified will have real quotes from vendors.

Actual will be the final amount that you end up paying.

Time for a reality check – does your budget allow you to achieve what you want? If not, you may have to adjust your budget if that is an option or adjust your expectations.

Steps to take in order to ensure you stick to your budget:

Figure out how much you have to spend.
Research vendors and get quotes before settling on your budget.
Write a list including all researched costs and quotes from vendors.
Write down your proposed guest list
Create the spreadsheet and input all the relevant information.

Image: Unsplash

In Advice

Do couples need counselling before marriage?

July 8, 2019 No Comments

Counselling is an imperative part of getting married. Couples can get swept away in the planning of a wedding, losing sight of the reasons why they are getting married. Speaking to a counsellor is essential for a couple as it will assist in mediating and fine-tuning the individual needs of each person’s expectations of marriage.

Helen Searra, Cape Town-based life coach, says it is imperative to start off such a huge commitment on a positive note.

“By getting a professional involved, it will allow both parties to be heard, without interruption, so that clear communication can be made. It offers a safe environment for couples to access their emotions and concerns thereby addressing issues that may otherwise lay dormant for years,” said Searra.

Her other advice is: Marriage is about being real and counseling allows you to get real with each other, without losing your identity while you are in the “contracting” stage of your relationship.

“When we meet our life partner we not only bring 2 people into the contract, we bring our families, friends, childhoods, different belief systems, cultures and life experiences. Investing in emotional support in building the best foundations for your relationship from the beginning is vitally important.”

With the help of a counsellor, there is no worry to small or obstacle too big for a couple to overcome before getting married.

Helen Searra is a Cape Town-based life coach. She has been practicing for 10 years in her field. She offers individual counseling sessions and couples counseling both in person or remotely over Skype. She offers package deals of either 4, 6 or 8 sessions. To enquire for a rates card, contact Helen on [email protected]

Image: Pexels

In Advice

Crossword puzzle proposals

July 1, 2019 No Comments

Corey Newman often watched his girlfriend, Marlowe Epstein, do the Washington Post crossword puzzle, so he worked with the Post’s crossword creator to write a puzzle with answers related to Epstein. The clue for 51 across was “Words with a certain ring to them,” and the answer was “Will You Marry Me.” The puzzle was published in the paper, and an unsuspecting Epstein completed it with the help of Newman. Slide 3: Coffee Cup Canadian coffee chain Tim Hortons asks customers to “roll up the rims” of the cups to see if they won a prize. So Jeff Chapman snuck a tiny note that read “Will you marry me?” under the rim of his cup and gave it to girlfriend Jaimie Baisley to unroll.

In Advice

3 tips to insure your ring

July 1, 2019 No Comments

Choosing the diamond, making the purchase, popping the question. Three tasks that require a sufficient amount of consideration but once they’ve been accomplished, and before you make the big announcement, there’s something else you should think about: insurance. Not particularly romantic but extremely important nonetheless. This piece of jewellery is far too valuable, in numerous respects, for you to lose or have stolen. Wedding Album gets some pointers on protecting this valuable asset from Mutual & Federal‘s Head of Product Solutions Fourie Grobler.

1 Choose the right insurance policy

All risk insurance is perhaps the most effective insurance coverage for a specified item such as an engagement or wedding ring. The policy ensures that, while you’re away from home, your ring that you wear daily will be covered if lost.

2 Keep all documentation

Hang on to documents such as the jeweller’s valuation certificate, a photo of the ring, and, of course, the receipt. These are crucial in speeding up – and smoothing out – the process of making an insurance claim.

3 Value your ring regularly

‘It’s very important to update the value of your jewellery on a regular basis to make sure that your sum insured is adequate,’ says Fourie. So ensure you have your ring is valued every year so that the insured value is up to date with the replacement value. A jeweller will either offer you a free annual valuation or charge a flat rate for one. The latter option includes an updated valuation certificate.

Photography pixabay.com

In Advice

9 guidelines for father of the groom

June 24, 2019 No Comments

The mother of the bride role comes with clear and concise instructions. So do the roles of father of the bride and maid of honour – but one of the most important, yet often overlooked roles, is that of the father of the groom.

As times change, the duties allocated to the groom’s father have too, so if you’re unsure what to expect here are some unspoken guidelines.

1. Suit up
Possibly one of the most important duties of the groom’s father is that of suit selection. A son will often rely on his father to help pick out the perfect attire for his big day, give him a few tips and even make sure the tailor fit is just right.

If the groom and groomsmen have an appointment for suit fittings the groom’s father should naturally attend as well and might be able to cash in on a discount along with the group.

It is also important that you look the part for the big day so make sure you take your own fitting seriously.

2. Offer to pay for wedding costs
It’s no secret that weddings cost a pretty penny – one of the most important ways to be involved and supportive of your son’s commitment is to be financially supportive.

Offer up whatever you can to go towards the big day and ask where budget is needed.

3. Attend or host the rehearsal dinner
It some traditions the groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner. This is the perfect opportunity for the groom’s father to step up and take centre stage to coordinate the night. Keep in mind what your son’s interests are, make sure the rehearsal is something that reflects his personality.

4. Help where you can
When it comes to weddings, there are so many aspects to consider and things to be done. As a supportive and proactive father of the groom, it is your duty to help where you can. Ensure you don’t limit your helpfulness to any specific duties and try your best to be available if needed. If you have a particular expertise that might come in handy, don’t be shy to offer.

5. Hang out with the boys
When the morning of the wedding arrives, it’s the father of the groom’s duty to hang with the boys and provide extra emotional support before the big event.

It’s important to supportive, positive and maybe even share a few funny stories about the groom’s childhood with his good friends to calm the nerves.

Compliment your son on his wedding-day look and make him feel confident and ready to take to the alter. This is a special moment to give him some marital advice.

6. Dance with the bride
It may seem like a small feat but those father’s out there with two left feet may see this one as a challenge.

The groom’s father is somewhat expected to prepare themselves for taking to the floor, especially when it comes to dancing with the bride.

Join in on the celebrations and make sure you’re comfortable with a little slow dancing.

7. Greet Guests
It goes without saying the the father of the groom should be prepared to greet guests, especially in the receiving line.

Don’t be shy and put on your best, most welcoming smile while tending to each person who has come to share the special day with the lucky couple.

8. Enjoy
You can’t attend such an important day without enjoying it. Make sure you spend your time at the wedding well and smile, dance, eat and be merry.

9. Say a little something
Last but certainly not least, prepare a speech to. It can often be a daunting task to put your thoughts on paper and especially to read them out to a room full of people, but this is your chance to rise above the nerves.

Your speech does not have to be lengthly, in fact short and sweet is better.

Make sure you put your heart into whatever you have to say, its not everyday that you get to share the first day of the rest of your child’s life with them and send them off with words that they will surely remember for years and years to come.

Picture: Pixabay