What couples should discuss at pre-marital counselling

What couples should discuss at pre-marital counselling

Counselling might seem like it’s only for those who have been married for a while and are struggling. However, if you’d like to avoid this fate, it is recommended you try pre-marital counselling.

This isn’t to say you need it because your marriage is likely to be doomed but rather, it can help couples identify their stances on some important things that many often don’t realise they even need to discuss.

Here are some areas you should consider talking about with a therapist before getting married:

Conflict resolution 

While it is likely you’ve been together for a bit of time and had your fair share of fights, conflict is a bit different when you’re married. This is mostly because you can’t just break up, you have to stick it out.

With your counsellor you can discuss how you can fight and resolve your fights in a more constructive manner than you may have previously been doing.

Sex expectations

Again, you may have been having great sex for a while but going into a marriage can mean different expectations, especially since this is the most time you’ll be spending together.

A counsellor can help you openly discuss the expectations you have for sex in married life and work on ways to carry communication in this arena forward.

Division of labour 

Some couples move in together before marriage so discussing how to divide up the chores but for those who don’t or those who haven’t managed to communicate this properly, discussing it with a counsellor can help.

Even though you could do this on your own, having a third neutral party makes it easier in the case you feel that the other person is being unfair or not shouldering enough responsibility.


This is a big one. No matter what kind of contract you sign, discussing finances is vital. Money is a hard topic for most people and not knowing your partners’ financial situation and expectations is guaranteed to cause problems later down the line.

Since money is such a touchy subject it is a lot easier to discuss it with another person who can help you set boundaries and find a common ground to build from.

The kid question

While the big overarching question of whether you should have kids might have been broached, more nuanced discussions on whether you want more than one and how you hope to raise them can be discussed with a counsellor.

You can also look early at how kids will affect your life, without just being thrown into it.

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