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Legal

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Polygamy is the practice of being wed to more than one spouse. According to Merriam-Webster polygamy is defined as “marriage in which a spouse of either sex may have more than one mate at the same time”. It is legal in South Africa under certain circumstances. Many African traditions allow polygamy as it is normal for a man to have more than one wife.

Before 1998

According to section 11(3) of the Repeal of the Black Administration Act (BAA) and the Natal Code of Zulu Law of 1985, women in customary marriages were seen as less than their husbands and held a lower status. They were regarded as a minor. This act meant that women in these marriages could not own property and acquire credit.

There were attempts to fix this. Section 11A was implemented. It removed the property and credit issue but did not change their legal status. Changes were then made to consider women over the age of 21 as legal majorities. This however did not work because Section 27(3) of the Natal Code (1985) still stated that a husband had control of his wife or wives.

Recognition of Customary Marriages Act 120 of 1998 (RCMA) made these unions legal including polygamous marriages. This law was instated in order to improve a womans position in a customary marriage. It was here that it was first stated that a woman shall be equal to her husband.

Our law now

South African law states that in order for a polygamous marriage to be legal both partners need to be over the age of 18, they must consent to the union under customary law, that law must be followed, negotiated and celebrated. This was instated in Act No. 120 of 1998.

A customary marriage must be registered. This is very important especially with polygamous marriages. If you wed a man in a traditional ceremony, you may consider yourselves as married. If your husband weds again and that marriage is registered at Home Affairs, the registered marriage parties are entitled to everything because it’s on record.

If the marriage is not registered and the husband dies there is a chance that she will be left with nothing. The husband’s family can claim everything and explain that the wife or wives will not get anything because there is no legal obligation.

It’s a man’s world

South Africa does not recognise polyandry which is the practice of a woman having more than one husband. This is because polygamy is legal under certain circumstance in South Africa. The circumstances being practices of various cultures and religions in South Africa. Unfortunately there are no religions or cultures that recognise a woman having multiple husbands. So if there’s no recognition it doesn’t fall under ‘certain circumstances’, therefore only men are legally allowed to be polygamists in South Africa.

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Changing your surname to your partner’s last name is often a custom that is expected and not discussed until someone questions why. In a shift away from tradition, it is becoming more common for partners to keep their own surnames and ditch the admin that comes with changing your name.

Where the tradition stems from

Historically, it all started in medieval England where people were known by their Christian names – just a first name. It started to go pear-shaped when names were recycled and there were more than one person with the same name. To distinguish between individuals as well as families, a second name, or surname rather, was chosen for the familial ‘group’ according to occupation or location. It was only later that women who got married had to take on the surname of the man purely based on superiority and patriarchy. This meant the woman had no legal identity apart from the man, and of course the same went for a newborn baby girl who automatically took her father’s surname. Women couldn’t vote, sign a contract, be independently recognised or even start a business if they did not take their husband’s surname.

Changing your name

Our identity is intimately linked to our names. Letting go of that name is hard – it feels like you’re letting go of a part of yourself, even though it won’t change who you are. For example, you could have an Indian surname but marrying a German might make you feel like you can’t identify with your heritage anymore.

Let’s be honest, it’s a shlep. In most cases it’s the woman who will change her maiden name or opt for a hyphenated version of her surname and her husband’s surname. In same-sex marriages it’s the same situation, but it all comes down to the legal aspect of changing every single account or legal document of your entire existence. In South Africa, as of 1992 it is legal for a woman to use her maiden surname, her husband’s surname or, as of 1977, a double-barreled surname after she is married. It’s a lengthy process but it’s not impossible, just be prepared to stand in a few queues.

Keeping your maiden name

For women who have a professional career or a namesake business, it will make things much easier should you wish to keep your maiden name. If you are also the last female family member in line holding onto your specific surname, you might want to keep it. Currently in South Africa, it’s not possible for a man to take a woman’s surname without going through a whole process since there is no set procedure for doing so.

With that said, changing your surname to match you husband’s means you will pass it on to your children, so that everyone in your immediate family shares the the same surname. This traveling easier for everyone and it creates a feeling of unity.

The bottomline is…

It is totally up to you. It is no longer a law that a wife absolutely has to take her husband’s surname, you have to consider what it means to you. More often than not the decision will be purely emotional, rather than practical.

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Destination weddings are quickly becoming a popular option, but as with any wedding choice, they come with their own pros and cons.

Guests

The biggest appeal of having a destination wedding is being able to get married in a beautiful setting and potentially having a much smaller guest list as not everyone will have the time or money to make the trip. However, this also means that some people that you would have wanted to be there might not be able to make it.

Before settling on the idea of a destination wedding, chat to the people that you absolutely have to have at your wedding and see if they are able to make it. You can also consider covering a portion of their costs if your budget allows. For example, you could pay for their accommodation and then they are just responsible for their flights.

Costs

While your guest list may be smaller, meaning your ceremony and reception will cost less, you will have to spend more money on events surrounding the wedding to thank your guests for attending and making their trip worthwhile, and again, if you decide to cover their accommodation or some other costs, you will be spending even more.

Gifts

The biggest gift you will receive from your guests is their presence; if you are having a destination wedding, that should be enough. Since most of your guests’ budgets will go towards flights and possibly accommodation, you need to be okay with receiving smaller or fewer gifts.

Planning

Some resorts at popular destination wedding locations offer all-inclusive packages which means that most of the planning and execution will be done for you, which takes a lot of the stress off. But leaving the fate of your wedding day in the hands of others, especially when you are not able to be there to oversee planning and preparations, can also be very stressful. One way to combat this is to be flexible and to find reputable vendors.

Legality

Do your research on marriage laws in the location of your wedding and find out if the marriage licence you obtain is also legal in your home country. A way to get around this potential hassle is to get legally married in your home country and use your destination wedding as your celebration. You can decide whether or not to tell your guests about your legal marriage before the wedding, but since your destination wedding will be the main event and look exactly like any other wedding it might not be necessary.

Honeymoon

A big pro that comes with having a destination wedding is that you will save on your honeymoon as you will already be in the setting of your dreams. Although, this also means that your wedding guests will potentially be on your honeymoon with you as they have already travelled quite a way. You can consider travelling a short distance from your wedding location for a more private honeymoon. For example, if you decide to host your wedding in Santorini, you and your partner can travel to one of the other Greek islands for your honeymoon.

Things to consider:

– Whether the location of your destination wedding is easily accessible
– Sending out save the dates way before the recommended time to give your guests enough time to look at flights and book at cheaper rates
– Whether you are able to contribute towards any of the costs that come with a destination wedding like flights, accommodation or food
– The fact that not everyone will be able to make it… and that some people you were hoping wouldn’t come will think this is a great excuse to take a little vacation.

At the end of the day, it is your wedding and you decide where you get married, so you just need to see if the pros outweigh the cons based on your personal preferences.

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It’s no secret that weddings are a pricey affair – but our top 8 wedding budget tips will ensure yours doesn’t drain your funds.

1. A STITCH IN TIME

Believe us when we say that the months leading up to your big day will fly by, even quicker when you haven’t factored in as much planning as you’d expected. So while time may not be a tangible currency for exchange, it will save you plenty of stress and may even afford you reduced rates here and there if you book things such as the venue, entertainment, catering and  honeymoon far enough in advance. You’ll thank us.

2. ALL IN

You’ll be surprised by how much you can save by selecting a venue with catering, drinks and equipment included, as opposed to booking these all through different providers. If the venue is catering, but charging a hefty price for the desserts, bring your own. ‘Bring your own desserts or sweets table,’ says Mikaila Beretta, a Cape Town events coordinator, ‘and take your venue’s menu option without the dessert. It’s more cost-effective and more fun for your guests.’ Ask about special rates during off-season to cut costs even further. Keeping the guest list short also means less work and expense.

3. IT TAKES A VILLAGE

Is your friend’s house just begging to be done up for a relaxed yet sophisticated reception? Does Uncle Richard have MasterChef skills he’s willing to offer for an unforgettable post-ceremony meal? Plenty of couples opt to get their loved ones involved in lieu of some type of a wedding gift – after all, if you’re saving money and getting the gift of a beautiful wedding, you can spend on items you really like for your new life as a married couple.

4. GO GREEN

‘The decor is usually expensive and can take up a lot of your budget if you aren’t aware of DIY options, which your planner should also be able to include and manage without the maximum cost,’ says Mikaila. Flowers often form a pretty large chunk of this expense. Luckily, there’s a super-stylish way to get around this budget nemesis: greenery like leaves, branches and creepers. Pinterest is your go-to resource, as it’s bursting with ideas of how to incorporate everything from delicious monster and banana leaves to olive branches into your decor and bridal-party bouquets. If you opt for a plant with smaller leaves, you can even use these as confetti.

5. YOU ARE (STYLISHLY) INVITED

Your parents may have had professionally printed card invitations with a patterned border and gold foiling, but that doesn’t mean you need to squeeze this (rather hefty) expense into your budget. Spend some time browsing the beautiful templates available online, then stock your home printer with good quality paper and you’re in business! Want to go eco-friendly? Digital invitations are the answer. For a small fee, you can customise your own invitations to be sent out via email, and track the RSVPs online AS an added perk!

6. FAVOUR FOR LESS

You’ll easily add extra expenses and another item to your to-do list when you start thinking about favours for your wedding retinue and guests. Keep things simple, especially if you have a large guest list, by tying sweets in pretty gauze bags, for example. Easy-peasy!

7. KEEP IT SIMPLE

Have your eye on a costly aisle runner? What about a scattering of pretty flower petals instead? Trying to fit design and printing costs for your programmes into the budget? The cost of 50-plus programmes, of which four will be taken home by the guests and the rest left on the floor to be trodden on? Probably not worth it.

8. SNAP HAPPY

The photography quality is one service you don’t want to skimp on. You want someone who will capture the true essence of your special day. Shop around before settling on a photographer – and you may be surprised by the reasonable prices you find along the way.

The way to get around forking out a big chunk of your wedding budget for this service? Keep the number of hours of service down to one or two.

Beyond all the tulle, confetti and clinking of Champagne glasses, there are some less glamorous considerations such as your marriage contract. Let our crash course help simplify all the technical jargon so you can concentrate on more fun things, like choosing the best cake!

THE TIES THAT BIND

A marriage contract is the legally binding part of saying ‘I do’. Do your own research (chat to friends or family and search online), then sit down with a lawyer to discuss your options for written agreements that suit you and your fiancé. You may feel loved up enough to speak to the same lawyer, but it’s best to take care of this part of your research as independently as possible. You are signing up for a major change in your everyday life, something that will affect you long after the wedding bells have chimed. So know your options, and have an open and honest discussion with your partner about your own needs for the agreement you’ll both sign.

LEARN THE LINGO

In community of property, both spouses have joint responsibility and entitlement to the assets and liabilities gained while married as well as those that existed before the marriage.

Out of community of property, your assets and liabilities before getting married remain your own and do not become the possession or responsibility of your spouse once you marry.

With accrual Assets gained by one spouse are shared between the couple and divided if the marriage ends (i.e. what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours).

Without accrual Assets gained by one spouse during the marriage belong to that person alone and are not shared or divided if the marriage ends (i.e. what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine).

Antenuptial contract (ANC) This contract details the agreement you have made as a couple about the division of your assets should your marriage end in divorce or death. If you decide not to go this route, you’ll be married in community ofproperty without accrual by default. In other words, an ANC offers protection of your assets before you enter into the marriage andprevents any of your spouse’s liabilities (debts) from becoming your responsibility should something happen to them.

WHEN TO SIGN

Your marriage contract can be signed before or during your marriage. However, it’s more costly and complicated to sign one once you are already hitched. So set aside time to sit down with your fiancé for an open conversation about this and get on the same page about the legalities of your union. Seek the expertise of an attorney who specialises in family law to get the ball rolling.